A couple of weeks ago, my son and I were at our church. This particular night was for men and their sons. To fit the superhero theme, the greeters gave us all red caps and Zorro masks. Our men’s ministry leader preached about the qualities that make a Christian hero. It made me think: While we may appear to be heroes on the outside, are we truly being heroes to our families?
The message brought back memories of my father. He is a truck driver, a profession that requires him to travel around the country for long periods of time. Growing up, I could tell how long he had been away by his facial appearance. If he came home with a little stubble, he was gone for a week or two. If he came home looking like Wolverine, he had been gone for a couple of months.
This continued until I went to college, and it had lasting consequences for our relationship. I am not as close to him as I am to my mother. She was the problem solver for my brother, sister, and me. The parent we would always go to for guidance and counsel. Even now, as adults, my mother is the one we always turn to when life gets difficult.
Being a hero to our families requires more than being a breadwinner and a provider. Food and shelter are important, but that is not enough. Our wives need our love and affection. Our children need our time and attention. Our families need us to be present with them, not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually as well.
Jesus addressed misplaced priorities in the Sermon on the Mount. In Matthew 6:24, he says, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
He then says in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
The first scripture teaches us that nothing should compete with our love for God, including the pursuit of money and professional fame. The second verse challenges us to align our priorities to match His Will. This should shape our decisions, including how we are to love and lead our families.
As men, we tend to value our worth by our careers, achievements, or how much money we’re making. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with working hard or pursuing professional success. The pitfall comes when these ideas become the central motivators in our lives.
When I pursued these things in my own career, I began to sacrifice my family’s well-being. They felt isolated. I would spend more time with co-workers and managers than with my family. I believed this was the path to success. I would push myself to meet impossible deadlines and give all my time and energy to work. I ended up pushing my family away when my purpose in working so hard was to show them how much I loved them. I was, in essence, doing the same thing my father had done. And I feared the same disconnected relationship would form between my family and me.
We cannot be a light to the world while allowing darkness in our homes.
I’m not seeking God’s kingdom when I neglect to go on walks with my wife or watch her favorite shows with her because I’m too busy working. I’m not doing God’s will when I neglect to play with my son or skip his nightly reading schedule. These moments might seem trivial, but these are the opportunities to live out God’s love in my life.
My ministry begins at home. My children need the kind of leadership that will guide them through cultural wars and a rapidly changing technological world. My wife bears a heavy burden as she raises our children. She needs more than financial support. She needs a husband who takes responsibility for his family and leads[JM1] through service, sacrifice, and love. This is the example Jesus gave his disciples.
Ephesians 5:25 is a call to action to “love your wife as Christ loved the church”. If I want to put God’s Kingdom first, then I need to follow this command. I am called to love my wife, putting her needs ahead of my selfish ambitions and time-consuming hobbies. I want to encourage her and support her in her spiritual growth. I need to help create a harmonious environment where she can flourish and lead her closer to Jesus.
My children learn how our relationship with God should be when they see how I love my wife, how I honor our parents, and how I serve our community. As a father, I am their primary example, especially when they are young. If I spend all my time working during these formative years, then I risk having the world guide them and lose out on building up their character, growing their faith, and creating a meaningful relationship with them.
I know it’s not easy finding a balance, but I will strive for that. Ironically, I ended up being let go from the firm I sacrificed so much for. I took this as a sign and formed my own business to work with the flexibility I needed for my family. Although I’m not making as much as I was before, I have more time to care for our home and be with my wife and son. I’ve grown closer to my family and my church community.
I’m at peace with this decision because I’m finally saying no to the world’s demands and saying, yes, I will help build your kingdom, Lord.
I don’t always act like a hero, but I know the one who is. Jesus showed me the qualities that a superhero needs. They are sacrificial love and faithful service.
There will be times when my worries will feel too heavy to carry even for Superman. In those moments, I will be honest with my limitations and lean on my wife for support, and ultimately look to Jesus for strength.
I don’t have to be heroic to be a faithful husband and father. I need to put my faith in God and let Him guide me in loving my family as Christ loves the church.
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